luck be a man impersonating a lady tonight...

I'm back from my business trip this past week in Vegas, in which four days seemed like four months. Not sure what it is, but I have about a 26 hour time limit in that city. I'm not a gambler, I don't love the nightlife (nor do I got to boogie), and I like my cheese unprocessed.

If Dante had lived see it, he would have surely placed Las Vegas somewhere between purgatory and Hell. Vegas is basically where the past catches up with the present - multiplied times twenty. There are no washed-up people, places, or things. Not in Vegas, baby.

Submitted for your approval, some random moments and reflections on my trip to Las Vegas:

  • Camelot is now a steakhouse at the Excalibur Hotel (where, incidentally, you can "find the best fudge in the kingdom")

  • Mojo Nixon was right: Elvis is everywhere.

  • Michael Jackson is just one of the incredible female impersonations in "An Evening at La Cage."

  • The "sanctity of marriage" has been preserved every 10 to 20 feet in wedding chapels. For example, there's the Shalimar Chapel, where for $129 your wedding includes a free witness, free rice, and free wedding garter for the bride.

  • Everyone likes looking at breasts, even women (as told to me by Luke Perry at dinner).

  • My hotel, Mandalay Bay, claimed to house a "unique" collection of shops you won't find anyplace else, like Urban Outfitters, The Art of Shaving, and a Mamma-Mia store.

  • This city needs a new slogan: Las Vegas: Get Over Yourself.

  • New York isn't the only city with crazy taxi drivers.