cyber monday special report
*suggested gifts for your favorite blogger...
I don't actually have back hair, as I've only recently completed the first stage of puberty. That said, I'm absolutely terrified that pubes could sprout back there, and as a former boy scout who vowed to always be prepared, I'd like one of these Mangroomers. If nothing else, I can shave my ass.
MRS. BEASLEY DOLL
One of the creepiest sidekicks in television history, this genuine reproduction of Buffy's doll from Family Affair is a conversation piece to say the least. Sort of a litmus test of pop culture for anyone who steps into the room it's displayed in. There will be those who know what it is immediately, and those who were born after 1985. I'm gonna sulk that this thing made it to the market before a Boo Boo kitty replica. Talk about your priorities.
Not only do I not have back hair, but I don't have a back yard either. This resin statue is reportedly "hand-painted for startling realism," according to the manufacturer. I wanna tour their factory and watch them hand painting garden yetis. There's an unmade documentary somewhere in this.
Remember those footed pajamas you stopped wearing around the age of 7? It wasn't long before the land of the free and the home of the Snuggie gave birth to adult footed pajamas in a variety of incredibly tacky designs. My all time favorite is the RockStar Tribal Tattoo Red for the Ed Hardy set and this dalmatian print that's sure to be a big hit at the fire house with the boys. Yes that last sentence was as gay as intended.
PERSONAL COKE FRIDGE
I once worked for a certain Hollywood figure (who shall go unnamed here) who had/has a bizarre obsession with Diet Coke and one of the required acts of servitude to him was to constantly keep his office mini fridge stocked with Diet Cokes in 12 ounce cans. If only he had this gaudy giant can-shaped custom cooler, his crack-like addition to caffeine, nutrasweet and caremel colored water could have had its very own shrine. I kind of like the absurdity of this product existing for consumers, so I'll gladly take one for my office.
THE LITTER ROBOT
If Kubrik had a scene in 2001 showing off the cats of the Jupiter mission, it might look something like this. It's a litter box that rotates to collect the feline waste, and if you get this for me, I'm totally playing The Blue Danube waltz by Johann Strauss when this baby spins. Open the pod bay doors, meow.