A few years back Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu made one really amazing movie called Amores Perros and then he remade it really poorly as 21 Grams. Now he has copied his copy of a copy further with the truly abysmal Babel.
For those under a rock, Babel stunt casts Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett as a dysfunctional, uptight American couple on vacation in a remote Moroccan desert. She's shot by the stray bullet from a gun fired by two local boys.
Using this as the center of the film's "structure," for over two hours you get to explore every single character involved...
• the guy who sells the gun for $500 and a goat
• the Japanese businessman who initially gave that guy the gun after a successful big-game hunt
• the Japanese businessman's deaf-mute teenage daughter, and her vagina flashing tendencies
• the American couple's sheltered children's wacky adventures in Mexico after their illegal immigrant nanny endangers their lives after a botched "visit" to her son's wedding
• the gun store owner's wife's second cousin's obsession with Japan's Krispy Kreme craze
Okay, I made that last one up, but you get the idea.
Honestly, if I didn't know any better, or perhaps watched this film high, I would have enjoyed it much, much more as a comedy.
Amazingly, the Oscar buzz is big on Babel, but this is no surprise after last year's equally manipulative and cynical anti-American rant Crash took home the golden boy, upsetting that gay cowboy movie nobody heard about.
You'll be hearing a lot about Babel this holiday season. Be prepared for the following statements made at dinner parties about Babel...
• "Wasn't Babel profound and timely?"
• "Yes, I agree. As a white man, I'm terrified of Mexicans. What a scary, scary film that was."
• "Brad Pitt is SO dreamy."
• "I don't get why it was called Babel. Who's she?"
• "That deaf Japanese girl had a hairy bush.
• "SO hairy."
I recommend skipping Babel and seeking out instead the far superior 1986 deaf-teenager afterschool special, "Have You Tried Talking to Patty?"