it's not the size of your screen that matters...

Last Thursday, hack-and-a-half director M. Night Shyamalan spoke to movie theatre owners about this whole crazy threat of the "shrinking window" between theatrical exhibition and video releases.

As you know from a few blog entries ago, I was thrilled with Steven Soderbergh's bold move to release his next film Bubble in theatres, on video, and on cable all on the same day (known in the industry as 'day-and-date').

Don't get me wrong, I am totally of the belief that films are experienced best on the big screen, but let's be realistic here. Not everyone is shelling out the $10 a ticket for that and especially when the film is a piece of crap.

Crapmeister extraordinaire Shyamalan said "I'm going to stop making movies if they end the cinema experience."

I full-heartedly endorse the end of the cinema experience if this means we don't have to sit through another The Village.

something i can never have...

This year I've been on a dream band checklist as far as my concert-going goes.

Over the summer I finally saw The Pixies live (twice actually) and New Order. If it wasn't canceled this past Friday I would have seen another all time favorite -Dave Wakeling of the English Beat.

Although it would probably come as a shock to most people that know me, I am probably most excited about this Thursday's concert at the Garden - Nine Inch Nails.

A long time coming since I first heard Pretty Hate Machine nearly 15 years ago in college, my inner goth is so ready to come out. Craig's too. This should be interesting. Stay tuned for updates Friday.

worst halloween costume of all time...

The year - 1983.

The costume - Bacon and Eggs.

Mom got the brilliant idea from some ladies magazine. You can't imagine what a bitch it was to carry the bacon, so my mom taped it to the egg part. The bacon kept falling off, so before ringing doorbells, I would ditch the bacon in a bush. The problem was I looked even weirder without the bacon.

Favorite comment: "What are you a nun?"

Yeah, I'm a Jewish boy nun with two strips of bacon. Gimme some candy.

Incidentally, that's my brother on the left. Moments after trick-or-treating he murdered our sister Judith with a kitchen knife.

want some candy little boy?

According to every news report this weekend, children everywhere are at high risk of being attacked this Halloween by sexual predators (cue scary music).

Parents are advised not to let their children trick-or-treat at the homes of accused sex offenders. Uh, duh.

If you can't find a map from your local crazy PTA leader of these offenders on your block, parents are also advised to keep kids away from homes without lights on. Double Duh.

Also, sexual predators tend to give out the bad candy like Bit O'Honey and Mary Janes and sometimes pennys.

Whatever happened to the good old days of parental Halloween care?

For my brother and me, this usually consisted of:

• being sent out the door in winter coats over the costume

• being sent to the Sherrif department to scan the candy for razors and LSD

• being told that regardless of the candy scan, we couldn't eat the pixie stix or pop rocks

i'm back, jacques...

Back from Cannes at last, and wide awake unlike never before. I woke up sharp at 2am and have not slept right since. Damn those French.

Highlights of my trip included:

• A side trip to Antibes for a dolphin show called "Dolphins of the Moon" in which there was no moon and a killer whale show called "The Curse of the Phantom Ship" in which there were no phantoms.

• Craig turned into a Japanese tourist snapping photos of just about everything in sight.

• Eating more raw meat (tartar) than I probably should have.

• Suddenly becoming a kleptomanic (though inspired by my boss)

If the Martinez calls looking for Sancho Panzez, I had nothing to do with it. It's was all Bryon's idea.

alors...

Still in France. Still a little freaked out by the following additional things...



Dirty old women in train stations. Look closer.







how much i like McDonalds when removed from America





how many photos Craig keeps taking







how much people love their chiens







so much friendly cock and pussy

quel bizzare...

Here are just a few things freaking me out here in France...

Crazy Frog has the number one and number two song on the charts





c'est l'ultime rebellion dans cannes





sand gators




the kid in the new Robbie Williams video

bigger than god...

Check out this slide-show on Slate.com showing off what they call "Megachurches." I love these buildings.

Nothing says hallelujah like a jumbotron bigger than your choir.

i'm alive...

What does it feel like to run a marathon?

Well, yesterday my 2 year old nephew thought it would be funny to jump up and down on my legs when I tried to pick him up.

That's pretty much the image I had as I hit mile 17. A constant pain in the legs that throbs and throbs.

Other highlights include:

• A massive blister on the ball of my right foot.

• Knees that "lock" when left unmoved for more than 5 minutes.

• A sudden loss of mathmatical ability (I started counting on my fingers how many miles were left when we hit 20).

• A hard-on for Stoffer's mac and cheese like nobody's business.

almost there...

In less than 24 hours I will be running more than 24 miles.

Yikes-a-roni!

How did I get here? What is the reason for all this running? Why do 40,000 people also feel the need to do this?

Alls I know is I gots me my IPod loaded with tunes, those cool new Jelly Belly Sport Beans, my nip-guards, and lots and lots of Gu Gel Chocolate Outrage.

What a freaking strange activity this is. Wish me luck.

todd's secret weapon...

How in the world will I run 26.2 miles on Sunday?

Click the photo to see the IMix.

the gentiles don't eat dessert podcast...

Listen as Rachel serves chopped liver to two Jews who can't stand it and four Gentiles who can't get enough.

Other shocking revelations in tonight's Rosh Hashanah podcast include...

• What celebs will be inscribed in the book of life this year?

• The secret recipe for Temple Chicken.

• Todd can speak Hebrew, but then again, so can Wyndham.

• The strange connection to Macho Man and Xanadu.

• and for the first time anywhere - Olivia Newton John exclusive audio commentary.


Click the picture to hear it or use ITunes' new podcast feature to subscribe to all the podcasts (just search for Beware of the Babylon and subscribe).

what happened to the old couch?

So everyone's all excited about Oprah's new studio, but nobody's asking the really important question.

What happened to her old studio?

Especially, what happened to her old couch.

The one that Tom Cruise so gracefully expressed his love for Kate on?

This weekend you can find me searching for the answer at Patton's Used Furniture on West Ogden, Bowman's Used Furniture on East 63rd, and Ashland Used Furniture on North Ashland Ave.

And when I'm running my 26.2 miles Sunday, don't think I won't stop if I see a couch on the curb.

vinyl goldmine...

Apparently the Hamptons is where 80s records go to die.

In the 99 cent bin this weekend at Long Island Sound (get it?) the following LPs were found in pretty much mint condition...


Spandau Ballet TRUE
Howard Jones DREAM INTO ACTION
Original Concept Album for CHESS
Ultravox VIENNA
Soundtrack to VISION QUEST
XTC DRUMS AND WIRES
Huey Lewis and the News PICTURE THIS
Soundtrack to SOMETHING WILD
Thompson Twins INTO THE GAP


Am I like, totally freaking out, like major? Like, fer sure!