off the cuff...

I've been dying to tell the tale of my cufflink mishap from last weekend, but now it can be told with photos thanks to Tee Earls from Nonantum (thanks Tee).

So, my parents got me this really nice French cuffed dress shirt from Kenneth Cole with matching cufflinks. Thinking it would be great for the weddlng last weekend in Cleveland, I packed it, but left the cufflinks in New York.

My 8:45pm panic/discovery once arriving in Ohio sent me running for the KMart across the street from the hotel, with hopeful thoughts

that I may find something like...


only to find a whole lot of

, , and

Going into boy-scout-mode, I hit the hardware section and come up with what I call K-Mart cufflinks. The come in boxes of 100 for a little less than a dollar.

K-Mart hasn't provided this much fashion statement to me since that Martha Stewart oven mitt.

it's already here...

I just got back from the new War of the Worlds, and I will say that Spielberg's film is intense and spooky for the most part. The other parts have too much Tom Cruise, Dakota Fanning, and a heavy-handed Hollywood hogwash.

So, let me save you the $11 (or less I hope for your sake) and give you this link to the original

1938 Orson Welles & The Mercury Theatre radio broadcast.

Sit back, dim the lights, and enjoy this Scientology-free experience.

the best of times, the worst of times

Today APPLE unleashed their free upgrade to ITUNES 4.9, which features PODCASTING.

All you need to do to subscribe to BEWARE OF THE BABYLON, the only podcast that really matters, is click here to subscribe from ITUNES.

Pay no attention to that ex-MTV VJ behind the curtain.

chapter three: struggle for existence...

Spent the past three days in Cleveland, Ohio for a wedding (which was beautiful by the way), but today all our friends took off and left Craig and I to our own devices in the midwest.

Thank god for Citysearch . We found the Borders, the Johnny Rockets, and the local Regal Cinemas to catch the evening showing of Land of the Dead.

All the comforts of New York in the midwest.

And then we parked next to a car with this on its trunk...



When we got back to the hotel I had see it again online, and I discovered that they are available for sale in any Christian book store or Wal-Mart.

I did, however come across this dude's rebuttal to it (brilliant):

One-two-three! And thrust it, thrust it, THRUST IT, COME ON, THRUST IT! AH!

One of the first BEWARE OF THE BLOG posts was about how there are always Strange Old Men at repertory film screenings.

So, why was I so surprised that in addition to the token gay camp crowd at last night's fab screening of Showgirls, there was also a handful of dirty old men?

Granted Times Square is now a glorified Disney store and the places to jack are few and far between, but did they not get the memo that Showgirls is easily one of the least sexy sex movies ever made?

Anyway, a good time was had by all and thanks to all that made it. I couldn't think of a better way to celebrate my 33rd than with two hours of smut.

Also, I was reminded of the following words of wisdom from Showgirls:

- who you fuck is your own business and I'm not making it mine.

- if asked where from, always answer "different places" and throw things.

- cheeseburgers are the new brown rice and vegetables.

- $50-$100 is way too lilttle to charge for hooking.

- there's such a fine line between "whore" and "dancer."

- if someone gets in your way, step on them.

- if you're the only one left standing there, they hire you.

As if I needed Showgirls for all that wisdom?

you gotta roll with it...

Oasis lead Noel Gallagher is rocking the city tonight, while the press ponders over my favorite bad-boy of Rock's latest personal statement that LIVE 8 will "never achieve its lofty aim of persuading politicians from the world's richest countries to eliminate debt owed by poorer nations."

According to Noel, a glimpse of the show will be "Keane doing SOMEWHERE ONLY WE KNOW and some Japanese businessman going, 'Aw, look at him... we should really fucking drop that debt, you know.'

He has a point though. Keane should do EVERYBODY'S CHANGING. It's a much better song.

like, omigod, it's deja vu all over again...

I swear if I see one more guy in the city with their polo shirt collar fliped up I may just go over and flip it back down.

When did this come back in style? I hated it in 1981 and I hate it in 2005. Of course, in 1981 I figured by now we would be wearing really cool flying suits like Elroy Jetson had.

cool it now...

This just keeps getting better and better.

Just when I thought there could be no more press on Tom Cruise, a reporter from Channel 4 in the UK pulls out a fake mic and squirts the little squirt with water.

Tom's reaction - priceless.

Your moment of zen is here.

we got crabs...

Believe it or not, Rachel and I actually did this week's podcast from outside Manhattan!

Coming to you more live than a freak-show carny is our WE GOT CRABS PODCAST from Coney Island and Clemente's Crab House in Sheepshead Bay.

In this week's podcast you will learn:

* how to bump, bump, bump your ass off

* what happens when you put the mic in the earphone jack

* where to get bootleg copies of DVDs in Brooklyn

* how to speak up and ask for more crab legs

* CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE PODCAST AND LISTEN! *

don't knock the rock...

Poor satan.

How can he keep up with all these cheap shots from Benedict XVI?

Granted it's been a busy month for the new pope. He's been busy branding same-sex marraige as 'pseudo'.

Then he went all Kinsey and claimed that "human sexuality is not juxtaposed to our being as person but part of it. Only when sexuality is integrated within the person does it successfully acquire meaning."

Great, now I have to find "meaning" in my sex life too?

So, anyway, my favorite metrosexual Rock magazine, Blender pointed out this month that Benny ain't too keen on all that noisy rock and roll music. Back in '96, Senator Popetane branded rock music an "instrument of the Devil" and urged young people not to listen to it for fear of endangering their souls. That's original.

I found the following CDs in the "Rock" section of my local Virgin Record Store (no less).

They are POSSIBLY SATANIC...



Don't say you haven't been warned.

meow meow

Have you heard about this Oregon cat that was born with two faces?

Gemini (I kid you not) was born to Lee Bluetear an "animal breeder" who has been playing doctor (Moreau) with "all sorts of animals" since 1980.

Roughly three years ago, she discovered a litter of smaller than normal kittens she calls "miniature cats."

She now has plans to market the miniature cats , which grow to about 4 pounds, on the Internet.

- I prefer the term "vertically challenged."

i'll tumble for ya...

In honor of Gay Pride Month, I feel it's time to let you in on the gayest thing about me...

man, do i love scented candles

I realized today I got way too excited about the new Yankee Candle size - the tumbler.

It's smaller and lighter than the 14.5oz housewarmer, and it's better looking on a shelf. Available in all those wonderful scents, including this month's Ocean Breeze.

O' Yankee Candle Company. You sassy candle company you. You light up my life.

naked pictures of famous people...

Okay, so I stole the title of this post from an idea John Stewart had a few years back regarding the most popular search phrase on the internet.

Here's the deal...

60% of all web-site visits are sexual in nature (Washington Times, 1/26/2000).

I've been getting tons more traffic since posting on my blog the information about my Showgirls birthday gathering . Even more traffic because I actually linked the trailer to Showgirls here.

I am a sucker for any kind of exposure to this blog. If you came to this site to find naked pictures of famous people, or even just to watch the fabulous trailer for SHOWGIRLS, I hope it was worth your time.

I do hope that you stuck around and enjoyed my blog, or perhaps checked out the podcasts before masturbating .

even better than Captain Eo...

One of the joys of working in television is actually having a television in the office.

I don't know what I would have done if I couldn't watch the ABC News live coverage of the entire Jackson family (even Rebe) being frisked by security upon entering the courtroom.

But, truely, trumping the Jackson frisking was the live coverage of the fans outside reacting to Jackson's acquital of all charges.

For those of you without televisions in your office, here are the highlight images that will stick with me forever...

the HOT STICKY SWEET PODCAST

This week in the podcast you WILL learn:

- which pulizter prize winning, best-author goes pee-pee

- what Paula Cole is up to these days

- what a kiss from a rose really feels like

- where the madison avenue of the village is

* CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE PODCAST AND LISTEN! *

holy masterpiece, batman!

Batman Begins is nothing less than amazing. A feast for the eyes AND the brain.

Whoa, I just got a little film-critic quotey there, but I can’t believe how damn good the film is.

This movie has more plot than the last four Batman movies put together. It's less concerned with flashy visuals and more interested in layers upon layers of character development, story structure, and credible acting. Totally redefines the super-hero genre, even more so than Ang Lee's Hulk.

Without any spoilers, I will say that the casting is perfect on all levels, with some real fun bit parts from big name actors.

And any movie that can make Katie Holmes tolerable for two hours and fifteen minutes is worth looking into.

wrong number...

It turns out the whole Russell Crowe Mercer Hotel incident was just a big misunderstanding.

According to eyewitness accounts, Crowe was heard shouting PHONE TAG, YOU'RE IT! moments before flinging the telephone at the employee.

Those wacky Aussies.

THE WE'VE GOT MAGIC TO DO PODCAST

THE WE'VE GOT MAGIC TO DO PODCAST

Break a leg! On the podcast this week, you will learn:

- What Todd and Rachel have in common with Russell Crowe at the Mercer Hotel

- Whatever happened to Saturday night?

- What kind of soup Rachel hates

- How we are SO golden monkeys for Liev and Mike

- How we can spoil Revenge of the Sith if you haven't seen it yet


* CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE PODCAST AND LISTEN! *

are you not entertained?

So apparently Russell Crowe was arrested today for going a little wiggy at the Mercer Hotel.



Rachel and I can feel his pain. We were thrown out of the Mercer Hotel for some strange reason (well, asked to leave the hotel lounge because we so obviously were not staying there). They were really snobby there though, and after hearing about Russell's freak out over trying to make a call to Australia from their phones, I can say that, Russell, I feel for you.

hampton brain strokes...

Maybe it's the big duck, but as soon as Manhattanites cross over to the Hamptons, by Jitney or whatever, they seem to turn into complete idiots.

Craig and I overheard the following sound-bytes in the following scenerios while Hamptoning this weekend:

OUTSIDE A CARVEL, NEXT TO A FREE CLINC
MAN & WOMAN IN FORMAL WEAR EXIT

Woman
That was GREAT! I got a tetanus shot and everything!

Man
Yep.

Woman
What do I owe you?

-----

OUTSIDE THE UA MOVIE THEATRE IN S. HAMPTON
MAN SHOUTS TO "DEB" WHO IS 20 FT AWAY

Man
Deb, smell the popcorn?!

Deb
I don't want any popcorn.

Man
No, DO YA SMELL THE POPCORN?!!

Woman
Oh, yes, I do smell the popcorn!

-----

BOOK HAMPTON INFO COUNTER
WOMAN CUSTOMER ASKS QUESTION

Woman
Hi, um, I just wrote a book that comes out next week. How do I get it, like, sold here?

Bookdealer
Um, well, who is your publisher?

Woman
It's, um, Harper Collins.

Bookdealer
Right, uh, well usually the publicist or book publisher will get the books into the stores.

Woman
Cool, cause I didn't quite know if it was just based on sales or what.



This kind of stuff never happens in the Winter in the Hamptons, which is when we usually go out there, so it must be the heat. Speaking of which, check out Josh Rouse's Nashville (thanks to Erik from Playing Doctor) for the music tip. Good CD.

bizzaro bierko

Ever sit halfway through a film realizing you know the actor on screen, but can't remember the name, or perhaps you are just convinced it could not possibly be that actor in the role you are watching?

Let me save you that experience by pointing out that, yes, that is Craig Bierko (Sour Grapes, The Music Man) as Max Baer in the new film Cinderella Man.

Amazingly more distracting than Renée Zellweger's perpetually half-closed eyes, was the bulked up, and scary as hell, Bierko towering over Crowe's Jim Braddock in the ring.

It's an amazing performance (in a film filled with amazing performances), but just a little unexpected.

You've been warned.

one more STAR WARS posting, and I swear I'm done...

I had to post this.

Presenting Kin-Char Bamin, Jedi Knight.



If you ever wanted to make your lightsaber shine just like the professionals, CLICK HERE